Gottman Method Couples Therapy

Welcome. As the only Certified Gottman Therapist in Lane County (and one of the few in Oregon and Arizona), I’m here to help you stop the patterns that are keeping you at a distance from each other. This includes recurring fights, rebuilding trust, and growing closer.

Why I Prefer the Gottman Method

Let me share something fascinating about the Gottman Method that most people don’t know. I think it’s incredibly valuable for one simple, and unexpected, reason:

John Gottman sucked at dating.

It’s true. We owe everything we’ve learned about relationships to this singular fact. Here’s why:

Back in the 1970s, John Gottman was a young professor at the University of Washington. Unlike many relationship experts who seem naturally gifted at love, Gottman’s personal life was a mess, relationship-wise. So when the university asked him to choose a research focus, he decided to studying couples. The university was not pleased, saying that psychologists could barely predict what one person would do, let alone two people. But Gottman was stubborn: He figured that if he couldn’t succeed in relationships himself, he’d at least understand why they failed.

For the next 13 years, he immersed himself in studying couples. He recorded their conversations, measured their heart rates, collected stress hormone samples, and even tracked how much they fidgeted in their chairs during discussions. What made Gottman’s approach unique was that he had no theory to prove. Unlike most researchers, Gottman was building knowledge from scratch with no preconceptions.

Fast forward to 1986, where he met Dr. Julie Schwartz, a trauma therapist. Julie looked at John’s mountains of research data that was just gathering dust. She was the force behind bring the Gottman Method to the public, and helped to translate his dense scientific findings into practical tools that couples could actually use. They’ve now spent over three decades testing and refining these approaches, following couples for as long as 20 years to see if their methods actually work.

What makes this research so powerful is that it isn’t based on someone’s idea about how relationships should work. This isn’t just some idea that someone read in an airline magazine and thought was good advice. This is actual, in-the-trenches research with real couples showing us their struggles and their triumphs. We now know, clearly and specifically, what makes couples happy and what leads to disconnection.

And now, these findings can benefit you.

The Gottman Method: A Science-Based Approach to Relationship Repair

At the heart of everything behind the Gottman Method is this main concept: You can’t focus on just managing conflict, or on just improving your connection; you need both.

When the Gottmans started offering public workshops in 1989, they were excited to share what they’d learned with couples who wanted to improve their relationships. What they discovered was unexpected: Couples who attended only the conflict management workshop didn’t actually get better. Neither did the ones that attended the friendship and connection training. Any improvements they had didn’t last.

But here’s where it gets interesting: The couples who attended both workshops actually got better. Those who learned both how to connect deeply AND how to manage conflict effectively showed substantial, lasting improvement in their relationships. It’s like trying to ride a bicycle with just one wheel: No matter how good that wheel is, you’re not going anywhere without the other.

For the curious, here’s why: When you build a strong friendship with your partner, you create the motivation to work through conflicts. And when you learn to navigate conflicts successfully, you protect the connection you’ve built from being eroded by resentment and miscommunication.

This is what we’re going to explore together. Not isolated techniques, but an integrated approach to building a relationship that can both thrive in good times and withstand challenges. Because that’s what the research shows really works. The couples who truly transformed their relationships understood this fundamental truth: You need the complete toolkit.

A Research-Backed, Three-Phase Process

1. Assessment and Feedback: You’ll complete the Gottman Relationship Checkup, followed by an in-depth review that pinpoints your relationship’s strengths and stress points.
2. Active Change Work: We’ll target the key patterns driving disconnection using tailored exercises, communication tools, and homework between sessions.
3. Integration and Maintenance: Once you’ve rebuilt trust and stability, we’ll focus on sustaining the changes and preventing relapse into old cycles.

Each step is collaborative and goal-oriented, with practical guidance you can apply immediately.

My Only Issue with the Gottman Method

“We’ve done research on the Gottman Method and find it intriguing and liked what you wrote on your website about your approach.”

– Client feedback

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is a popular and trusted way to help couples improve their relationships. I wouldn’t use it if I didn’t believe in it. But like anything, it’s important to always ask questions and think critically about anything.

First, it’s important to be aware that the Gottman Method is also a brand. This means a lot of people trust it, but what if new research finds something different? Will we simply rename it “Gottman version 2.0” (this is, technically, what happened when the Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work transformed into the Sound Relationship House). It’s a question worth asking, not because there’s a problem with the Gottman method itself, but because it’s smart to keep questioning and learning.

Secondly, much of the Gottman Method is grounded in correlational-based research (instead of cause-and-effect, although they’re getting closer). For example, there’s a correlation between the number of ice cream cones sold and the number of home robberies in the US. This doesn’t mean one causes the other; it’s because it’s hot during summer, and people leave their doors and windows open (and eat ice cream). This isn’t a limitation unique to the Gottman Method but rather a point to be aware of when using any approach.

The key thing to remember is that these points don’t take away from how useful the Gottman Method can be. It just means that we should use it in a thoughtful way, keeping in mind that every couple is unique and that there are no cookie-cutter solutions.

Designed for Real-Life Relationships

I work with couples across Oregon and Arizona through secure telehealth sessions, including those in Eugene, Portland, Bend, Phoenix, and Tucson. My clients are often mid-career professionals balancing demanding lives who want more than generic communication advice; they want a clear plan that actually changes how they connect.

What You’ll Take Away

• Tools to de-escalate conflict and repair faster
• Confidence to rebuild trust after betrayal or distance
• Renewed friendship and intimacy
• Shared rituals of connection
• Practical strategies for long-term partnership

Start with a Relationship Assessment and Review

The first step is an in-depth Relationship Assessment and Review session. You’ll complete the Gottman Relationship Checkup, then we’ll meet to interpret your results and map out your personalized plan.

Common Questions