Here is a list of what I feel are the most important therapy and psychology handouts to have. This list ebbs and flows as more resources are added.
Without Trust, Your Relationship Will Not Survive the Year
Couples many times ask why they are having problems in relating to each other. In fact, one of the most frequently heard phrases in relationships is, “Why don’t you trust me?”[Read more…] about Without Trust, Your Relationship Will Not Survive the Year
Fantasy Affairs of the Mind
Relationships are difficult to manage for many reasons. So it is not unusual that people want to run away from life through “Fantasy Games.” At times, relationships can be threatened by how we relate to each other, other people, the fantasies of our minds, and our actions. When one person in the relationship is concerned about the “interpersonal relating aspects” of the marriage, and the other is not as focused on it, then a number of issues have to be considered.[Read more…] about Fantasy Affairs of the Mind
Why Are Other People So Incompetent?!
Have you ever noticed how other people seem to get in your way, cause more problems, or just seem to be so stupid and incompetent that it “makes your blood boil?” Having to deal with such people, and situations, is very upsetting. It seems like “there are so many of those incompetent people” out there. Understanding how to deal with these situations is critical to your own health.[Read more…] about Why Are Other People So Incompetent?!
The Consequences of Not Having Any Boundaries
We all want to be fair, kind and loving to the people that we care about. Sometimes that means going out of our way for them. At other times, it means putting up with a certain amount of crap. In the long run, we hope and bet on the odds that it’s worth it for our relationship to have a little give-and-take. However, giving out love without any boundaries can be extremely dangerous and carries extreme risk to our own sense of self and others.[Read more…] about The Consequences of Not Having Any Boundaries
Wait, I’m not Crazy?! Adults Who Grew Up in Dysfunctional Families
If you grew up in an unhealthy or dysfunctional family, it has drastically and permanently altered the course of your life. It is absolutely vital to understand how, specifically, this affects you so that you can stand a chance to change patterns of unhealthy choices and behaviors that plague you and your adult life.[Read more…] about Wait, I’m not Crazy?! Adults Who Grew Up in Dysfunctional Families
Why Do People Who Come From Dysfunctional Families Have More Interpersonal Problems?
Dysfunctional families never admit their problems. The rules are simple: Don’t talk, think or feel. As a result, we feels insecure and can only depend on ourselves. In order to survive this lack of trust, we end up creating a rigid way of dealing with life. Yet when we go out into the real world, these dysfunctional rules for living end up blowing up in our face.[Read more…] about Why Do People Who Come From Dysfunctional Families Have More Interpersonal Problems?
The Anatomy of Infidelity and Affairs
We tend to think that infidelity and affairs are all about sex. In reality, affairs are symptoms that sends a message about problems in the relationship. The betrayal of trust from one’s spouse or partner can be one of the most damaging issues to any relationship. Perhaps you suspect your partner of having an affair. Understanding this simple issue will allow you to work on the complex problems of finding solutions.[Read more…] about The Anatomy of Infidelity and Affairs
Why Do I Keep Choosing the Wrong Person?
We sometimes wonder why we get ourselves into difficult relationships that “turn out bad” when they seemed so “promising” at the beginning. Sometimes we notice ourselves continuing to “pick the wrong ones” over and over again and cannot figure out what is happening. Many times we attribute it to the other person and think that there are so many “wrong people out there” that we just better “stay away” or “put up with it.”[Read more…] about Why Do I Keep Choosing the Wrong Person?
Why Gottman Method Couples Therapy Really Works
There are too many myths about what makes a relationship work. Drs. John & Judy Gottman researched this for over 40 years and found the actual, practical relationship issues that actually make a difference. Understanding these essential communication skills and concepts can make the difference between relationship failure or success.[Read more…] about Why Gottman Method Couples Therapy Really Works
How to Swim with the “Difficult Sharks” in our Lives
No one wants to swim with sharks. Yet difficult people are, by their very nature, sharks: Aggressive, territorial, and tribal. When we unexpectedly find ourselves dealing with a difficult person, we often give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they will “play fair”. In our desire to “get along with others”, we often just make the situation worse. The hard truth is that we must learn how to identify and respond assertively to difficult people without being “eaten alive”.[Read more…] about How to Swim with the “Difficult Sharks” in our Lives
How to Effectively Sabotage Your Relationship
In 1944, the ClA wrote a handbook on how to sabotage an company’s productivity. This secret (now declassified) pamphlet was called “The Simple Sabotage Field Manual” and has several surprising similarities to how couples unsuccessfully communicate.[Read more…] about How to Effectively Sabotage Your Relationship
Enhancing Closeness thru Vulnerability
Research has revealed that a very powerful predictor of relationship stability is whether couples spend time getting to know each other or not. One way to do this is to ask open-ended questions. An open-ended question is a question that can’t be answered by a simple “yes” or “no.” It is a question such as, “How would you like our life to change in the next five years?”
The ultimate goal is to change the way the two of you “move through time” together.[Read more…] about Enhancing Closeness thru Vulnerability
Progress in therapy requires that we make small changes in our lives on a daily basis. People are generally more likely to accomplish this by writing down their thoughts and insights after each therapy session.
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps us learn to evaluate our thoughts and beliefs by gathering evidence, developing alternative explanations, decatastrophizing and using other “Socratic questions” to help us more clearly and realistically analyze our thoughts. It is the hallmark of critical thinking.