TherapyDave
Gottman Couples Therapy & Individual Counseling in Eugene, Oregon
Dave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.
The truth is that conflict happens in every relationship. It’s a myth that in a happy relationship you’ll get along all the time. What matters is how you talk about issues more than what you fight about.
[Read more…] about How to Remove Conflict From Your RelationshipDave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
We all want to regain our trust in others. Sometimes, in our urgency to get rid of our uncomfortable feelings, we fall into a few mistakes that actually make things worse. Knowing about the key mistakes that are made when we work on rebuilding trust will save us unnecessary time and further disappointment.
[Read more…] about Mistakes When Rebuilding TrustDave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
If your goal is to be happy, it’s useful to know how far you’ve come.
As the old saying goes, if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else. With happiness, it’s important to know what your current level of happiness is so that you can measure how effective therapy is over time.
[Read more…] about Measure Your Baseline HappinessDave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
Why is it so difficult to make changes in our lives? We all talk about it, and some of us will start work on it, but in the end we seem to get stuck in remaining the same. This happens even when we know that it would be best to make certain changes in our lives. Why is this?
[Read more…] about 6 Reasons Why We Don’t Implement Changes In Our Lives, and What Can Be Done About ItDave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
Have you ever had a gut feeling that something in your marriage was amiss, but it would take some time for all to sink in right? Well, intuition has always been our best friend. In these days when the internet is rife with all sorts of dating services and adulterous spouses roam about looking to strike down marriages in order to supplement their home life with another partner, if we have doubts about our partner’s fidelity then we should pay attention, because infidelity can destroy a relationship.
[Read more…] about 8 Marriage Intuitive Clues To Catch a Cheating Spouse (and Save Your Marriage)Dave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
A.K.A, “Handling Questions Designed to Put You On the Spot and Them Out of the Spot”.
Interventions are extremely uncomfortable to do. Your main job is to try to help them to see that they can no longer continue to live in “the denial of the present reality.” Chances are they will get upset and object – this is designed to put you on the defensive and to take the focus off of themselves. Remember, the person you are confronting has had years of practice in avoiding dealing with their problems. A few ideas might help you in this process.
[Read more…] about How Not to be Blocked When Doing an InterventionDave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
Why do some adults have more struggles in life than others? Many times it relates to how dysfunction “entered” their childhood family. Such problems can arise from abuse, neglect, psychological abuse, immature parents, secrets in the family that impact others or an overwhelming sense of insecurity in the home environment. Understanding a few things might help in clarifying this tricky situation.
[Read more…] about Trust Problems in Dysfunctional FamiliesDave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
The reason that many people don’t solve problems is that they “personalize” everything that is said to them. They relate what is happening to some fear, some event, past memory, problem, or so forth, from the past that is “evoked” in the present by what another person says. As a result, discussions with people like this are never easy as they are always personalized based on fears and emotions, without any real future focus.
[Read more…] about Why Emotionally-Based Reasoning FailsDave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
We tend to have expectations that others should meet our needs or treat us in a certain way. Yet we act surprised when they continually disappoint us. The reality is we need to start paying attention to other people’s patterns of behavior. Acknowledge that everyone has limitations.
[Read more…] about How to want what you can’t have and keep getting what you don’t wantDave Lechnyr, LCSW · Certified Gottman Therapist
Why do some people verbally “attack” others in a relationship? When someone’s behavior changes like this to the irrational and bizarre, it is often not due to some unexplained physical or emotional cause. In fact, the real reason is more surprising than you’d think.
[Read more…] about How to Make Sure That No One Can Ever Get Close to You“Before, it felt like torture to be in my own skin. I beat myself up for everything and guilt ruled my whole life. When I started therapy, I couldn’t cope with life at all. After working with Dave, I’m not beating myself up compulsively and I feel hopeful about the future for the first time in a long time.”