Couples many times ask why they are having problems in relating to each other. In fact, one of the most frequently heard phrases in relationships is, “Why don’t you trust me?”[Read more…] about Without Trust, Your Relationship Will Not Survive the Year
Relationships are difficult to manage for many reasons. So it is not unusual that people want to run away from life through “Fantasy Games.” At times, relationships can be threatened by how we relate to each other, other people, the fantasies of our minds, and our actions. When one person in the relationship is concerned about the “interpersonal relating aspects” of the marriage, and the other is not as focused on it, then a number of issues have to be considered.[Read more…] about Fantasy Affairs of the Mind
Have you ever noticed how other people seem to get in your way, cause more problems, or just seem to be so stupid and incompetent that it “makes your blood boil?” Having to deal with such people, and situations, is very upsetting. It seems like “there are so many of those incompetent people” out there. Understanding how to deal with these situations is critical to your own health.[Read more…] about Why Are Other People So Incompetent?!
We all want to be fair, kind and loving to the people that we care about. Sometimes that means going out of our way for them. At other times, it means putting up with a certain amount of crap. In the long run, we hope and bet on the odds that it’s worth it for our relationship to have a little give-and-take. However, giving out love without any boundaries can be extremely dangerous and carries extreme risk to our own sense of self and others.[Read more…] about The Consequences of Not Having Any Boundaries
If you grew up in an unhealthy or dysfunctional family, it has drastically and permanently altered the course of your life. It is absolutely vital to understand how, specifically, this affects you so that you can stand a chance to change patterns of unhealthy choices and behaviors that plague you and your adult life.[Read more…] about Wait, I’m not Crazy?! Adults Who Grew Up in Dysfunctional Families
Dysfunctional families never admit their problems. The rules are simple: Don’t talk, think or feel. As a result, we feels insecure and can only depend on ourselves. In order to survive this lack of trust, we end up creating a rigid way of dealing with life. Yet when we go out into the real world, these dysfunctional rules for living end up blowing up in our face.[Read more…] about Why Do People Who Come From Dysfunctional Families Have More Interpersonal Problems?
We tend to think that infidelity and affairs are all about sex. In reality, affairs are symptoms that sends a message about problems in the relationship. The betrayal of trust from one’s spouse or partner can be one of the most damaging issues to any relationship. Perhaps you suspect your partner of having an affair. Understanding this simple issue will allow you to work on the complex problems of finding solutions.[Read more…] about The Anatomy of Infidelity and Affairs
We sometimes wonder why we get ourselves into difficult relationships that “turn out bad” when they seemed so “promising” at the beginning. Sometimes we notice ourselves continuing to “pick the wrong ones” over and over again and cannot figure out what is happening. Many times we attribute it to the other person and think that there are so many “wrong people out there” that we just better “stay away” or “put up with it.”[Read more…] about Why Do I Keep Choosing the Wrong Person?
No one wants to swim with sharks. Yet difficult people are, by their very nature, sharks: Aggressive, territorial, and tribal. When we unexpectedly find ourselves dealing with a difficult person, we often give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they will “play fair”. In our desire to “get along with others”, we often just make the situation worse. The hard truth is that we must learn how to identify and respond assertively to difficult people without being “eaten alive”.[Read more…] about How to Swim with the “Difficult Sharks” in our Lives
You might be wondering, “What’s the secret to a long-lasting relationship?” Well, it’s not just luck or chemistry—it’s a science. Research from Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert on relationships, has identified a simple but powerful formula: the 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. This isn’t just a feel-good concept; it’s grounded in rigorous scientific study. The essence is straightforward: for every negative interaction you have, aim for at least five positive ones. When you get this balance right, your relationship can thrive.[Read more…] about The No-Nonsense Guide to Improving Your Relationship: The 5:1 Ratio Unpacked
We can’t change what we aren’t aware of. Modifying worry is more effective when we write down and evaluate our worries. This is an essential first step when using Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy to address uncontrollable worry (often seen in Generalized Anxiety Disorder). Use this form as soon as possible after any “worry episodes” you have. Alternatively, you can schedule a few times each day (for example, at lunch, dinner & bedtime) to write down any worries that you have noticed.[Read more…] about Anxiety & Worry Log
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen couples stroll into my office, thinking a few tips and tricks are going to fix years of relationship decay. It’s like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound and expecting to walk it off. Spoiler alert: you can’t. That’s because genuine transformation is way different from merely having information. I’ve seen people miss this crucial point over and over, often when it’s far too late to reverse course.
So, if you’re really invested in turning your relationship around, here’s what you need to be doing:[Read more…] about The 3 Essential Steps for Transforming Your Relationship Today
Here is a list of what I feel are the most important therapy and psychology handouts to have. This list ebbs and flows as more resources are added.
In 1944, the ClA wrote a handbook on how to sabotage an company’s productivity. This secret (now declassified) pamphlet was called “The Simple Sabotage Field Manual” and has several surprising similarities to how couples unsuccessfully communicate.[Read more…] about How to Effectively Sabotage Your Relationship