Couples Therapy with a Certified Gottman Therapist
As the only Certified Gottman Therapist in Lane County (and one of the few in Oregon and Arizona), I help couples stop the patterns that are keeping them distant: Recurring fights, broken trust, and emotional disconnection.
If these thoughts sound familiar, you’re in the right place:
- “We keep having the same argument over and over.”
- “I feel like we’re roommates, not partners.”
- “We love each other, but we don’t know how to fix this.”
The fact that you’re here means you’re ready for something different. Most couples wait six years too long before seeking help. You’re making a different choice. That choice sets you apart.
Why Most Couples Stay Stuck
Many couples try therapy only to walk away frustrated. Traditional couples counseling often leads to:
- Endless talking without real solutions
- Insights that sound good but do not create change
- Circular conversations that go nowhere
- Leaving sessions feeling more disconnected
The truth is that insight alone does not change relationships. Skills and accountability do.
Take the First Step Towards Change
Not sure where to begin? The Relationship Snapshot is a free tool that gives you quick insight into your relationship’s strengths and stress points. It only takes a few minutes and can help you see where things stand today.
My Approach to Relationships
I use a structured, research-based approach to help your relationship get back on track. Every session has a purpose, every step builds on the last, and you will always leave knowing exactly what to practice at home.
Couples who succeed with me learn how to:
- Break destructive cycles of conflict using the Gottman Method
- Rebuild trust and respect
- Communicate without every conversation turning into a fight
- Handle stress without turning on each other
- Reconnect emotionally and physically
The Gottman Method: A Science-Based Approach to Relationship Repair
At the heart of the Gottman Method is one essential truth:
You cannot focus only on conflict or only on connection. You need both.
When the Gottmans began teaching workshops, they made an unexpected discovery. Couples who learned only conflict management didn’t improve much. Those who focused only on friendship and connection didn’t either. The couples who learned both (how to connect deeply and navigate conflict effectively) were the ones who experienced real and lasting change.
It’s like trying to ride a bicycle with one wheel. No matter how strong that wheel is, you are not going anywhere without the other.
That balance between friendship and conflict mastery is exactly what we work on together.
Why I Prefer the Gottman Method
Let me share something fascinating about the Gottman Method that most people don’t know. It’s valuable for one simple reason:
John Gottman sucked at dating.
It’s true. We owe everything we’ve learned about relationships to this singular fact.
Back in the 1970s, Dr. John Gottman was a young professor at the University of Washington. His personal life was chaotic, and relationships never seemed to last. So when he was asked what kind of research he wanted to do, he decided to study couples. Not to prove a theory, but to finally understand what made relationships work.
For the next 13 years, he recorded conversations, measured heart rates, collected stress hormone samples, and even counted how often partners fidgeted during disagreements. Gottman wasn’t looking to confirm ideas about love; he was building knowledge from scratch.
Then he met Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, a trauma therapist who helped him translate years of data into something couples could actually use. Together they created Gottman Method Couples Therapy, a structured, research-based way to predict relationship outcomes with striking accuracy and to teach couples exactly what helps them succeed.
What makes their work powerful is that it isn’t built on opinion or self-help trends. It’s grounded in observation and science. We know, from real couples, what behaviors create connection and which ones destroy it.
That’s why I use it. Gottman Method Couples Therapy gives you more than communication tips. It provides a proven, research-driven framework for rebuilding trust, connection, and resilience in real-world relationships.
How I Use the Gottman Method
Traditional couples therapy often relies on open-ended conversations. Couples might feel heard for an hour, but once they leave the room, the same patterns show up again. Good intentions don’t hold without a clear path forward.
Workshop-style relationship education offers the opposite problem. You get solid concepts and research, but translating techniques from a workbook into a real relationship is harder than it looks. Most couples find that the material doesn’t match the complexity of their day-to-day dynamic.
I bridge these two worlds. I use Gottman-based tools and assessments to give you concrete skills, and then I work with you directly to apply them in the moments that matter. You get structured guidance, targeted feedback, and consistent accountability so change actually sticks.
This blended model is rare. It fills the gap between traditional therapy and self-guided learning and is why the couples I work with make measurable progress in how they talk, listen, repair, and reconnect.
The Three-Part Framework for Lasting Change
Strong relationships are not built on quick fixes. Real progress happens when couples first stabilize their communication, then rebuild emotional connection, and finally create a shared vision for their future. This three-part framework reflects the natural path of how relationships heal: Practical, structured, and grounded in evidence-based relationship science.
Part 1: Stop The Bleeding
Stop the negative cycles before they take over.
When communication breaks down, even small conversations can feel like walking through a minefield. This first stage focuses on calming conflict, improving emotional awareness, and learning how to bring issues up in a way that can actually be heard.
What you’ll work on:
- Identifying and interrupting destructive patterns during conflict.
- Bringing up complaints without blame or criticism.
- Understanding emotional triggers and stress responses.
- Managing reactivity and preventing emotional overwhelm.
- Practicing repair skills to recover quickly after disagreements.
Early sign you are on track: Arguments de-escalate faster and feel less personal.
How you will know it is working: Conversations end with clarity instead of exhaustion.
Milestone: Conflict becomes something you manage together, not something that manages you.
Part 2: Rebuild Your Foundation
Remember why you chose each other and become best friends again.
Once things begin to stabilize, therapy shifts toward rebuilding closeness. You’ll learn how to communicate with empathy, express appreciation, and strengthen the friendship that makes intimacy possible again.
What you’ll work on:
- Reconnecting through curiosity, empathy, and genuine interest.
- Expressing needs clearly instead of expecting mind reading.
- Restoring emotional safety after distance or hurt.
- Rebuilding trust through consistent follow-through.
- Finding healthy compromise where both partners feel respected.
- Rekindling laughter, gratitude, and small daily moments of connection.
Early sign you are on track: Conversations end with relief instead of tension.
How you will know it is working: You will laugh together for the first time in months.
Milestone: You will genuinely enjoy being around each other again and feel like teammates, not opponents.
Part 3: Create Your Future Together
Build the deeply connected, passionate partnership you both want.
Here we solidify what you’ve learned and turn it into daily habits that sustain closeness. This final stage helps you move beyond recovery into genuine renewal: Building shared meaning, intimacy, and a life that feels like a true partnership.
What you’ll work on:
- Deepening emotional and physical intimacy.
- Protecting your relationship from outside stress.
- Creating shared rituals and routines that keep you connected.
- Talking about individual goals without losing your sense of “us.”
- Building a shared vision for your future as a team.
Early sign you are on track: You will feel lighter and more hopeful about your future together.
How you will know it is working: You will start making long-term plans without hesitation or fear.
Milestone: You will know with confidence whether you have built something worth keeping and how to sustain it.
Why This Approach Works
Each part is grounded in decades of clinical research on what makes relationships succeed. You’ll learn how to communicate more effectively, rebuild trust, and maintain connection through practical tools you can apply right away.
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s a relationship that feels calmer, safer, and more fulfilling for both of you.
My Only Issue with the Gottman Method
“We’ve done research on the Gottman Method and find it intriguing and liked what you wrote on your website about your approach.”
– Client feedback
Gottman Method Couples Therapy is a popular and trusted way to help couples improve their relationships. I wouldn’t use it if I didn’t believe in it. But like anything, it’s important to always ask questions and think critically about anything.
First, it’s important to be aware that the Gottman Method is also a brand. This means a lot of people trust it, but what if new research finds something different? Will we simply rename it “Gottman version 2.0” (this is, technically, what happened when the Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work transformed into the Sound Relationship House). It’s a question worth asking, not because there’s a problem with the Gottman method itself, but because it’s smart to keep questioning and learning.
Secondly, much of the Gottman Method is grounded in correlational-based research (instead of cause-and-effect, although they’re getting closer). For example, there’s a correlation between the number of ice cream cones sold and the number of home robberies in the US. This doesn’t mean one causes the other; it’s because it’s hot during summer, and people leave their doors and windows open (and eat ice cream). This isn’t a limitation unique to the Gottman Method but rather a point to be aware of when using any approach.
The key thing to remember is that these points don’t take away from how useful the Gottman Method can be. It just means that we should use it in a thoughtful way, keeping in mind that every couple is unique and that there are no cookie-cutter solutions.
Designed for Real-Life Relationships
I work with couples across Oregon and Arizona through secure telehealth sessions, including those in Eugene, Portland, Bend, Phoenix, and Tucson. My clients are often balancing demanding lives who want more than generic communication advice. They want a clear plan that changes how they connect.
What You Will Take Away
- Tools to de-escalate conflict and repair faster
- Confidence to rebuild trust after betrayal or distance
- Renewed friendship and intimacy
- Shared rituals of connection
- Practical strategies for long-term partnership
Client Results
After 15 years together, we kept pushing each other’s buttons. David helped us see our negative patterns and gave us practical tools to communicate without triggering each other. For the first time in years, we feel like partners again.
Ted & April, together 15 years
We’d been to two other therapists and honestly didn’t think counseling worked. It was just us complaining for an hour. With David, we actually learned things we could use at home. We still fight sometimes, but we don’t spiral like we used to. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we actually like each other again.
Sarah & Tom, together 8 years
Frequently Asked Questions about Couples Therapy
What happens in the first couples therapy session?
The first session focuses on understanding your relationship history and your most pressing challenges. You will share your goals, and I will explain how the process works so you know what to expect moving forward.
How long does couples therapy usually take?
Many couples start noticing changes within the first month, especially when they practice the skills between sessions. The overall timeline depends on your specific goals and level of commitment.
What is the Gottman Method and why does it matter?
The Gottman Method is a research-based approach developed over 50 years of studying thousands of couples. It gives you practical tools and strategies to improve communication, rebuild trust, and deepen intimacy.
What if my partner is hesitant to start therapy?
It’s common for one partner to feel unsure at first. Gottman sessions are not about blame or choosing sides; they focus on what is happening between you, not who is right or wrong. I often meet with hesitant partners individually for a short consultation to help them understand what to expect and to make sure the process feels safe.
How is this different from other types of couples counseling?
Instead of endless processing or venting, sessions are structured with clear goals. You will learn and practice specific tools, and each step builds toward lasting change.
Do you work with couples outside of Oregon and Arizona?
Yes. While therapy is limited to Oregon and Arizona residents, I also offer relationship coaching for couples worldwide through secure video. Coaching provides the same structured, skills-based approach, but is offered in a non-therapeutic format that allows me to work with clients anywhere.
How long does Gottman Method Couples Therapy take to work?
Most couples begin to see measurable improvement within the first few sessions. By the midpoint of the process, you’ll know whether your relationship is stabilizing, improving, or needs a different approach. The full program is structured for sustained progress, not quick fixes.
What makes this approach different?
You’ll receive a structured, evidence-based plan designed to improve your relationship’s foundation, not just communication.
Can Gottman Method therapy help if we’re considering separation or divorce?
Yes. The Gottman Method provides clarity, not pressure. Many couples use it to decide whether change is possible and, if so, what that change would look like using Discernment Counseling. Even if you ultimately decide to part ways, you’ll do so with greater understanding, closure, and respect.
Do you work with non-married couples?
Absolutely. The Gottman Method applies to all committed relationships. My focus is on helping partners understand each other and build the relationship they want, regardless of structure or background.
Ready to Move Forward?
The longer negative patterns continue, the harder they are to break. Divorce can cost tens of thousands of dollars and years of pain. Doing nothing costs the best years of your relationship.
The alternative is to take action now. Learn the exact skills to stop destructive fights, rebuild trust, and feel like a team again.
The next step is simple. Schedule your initial appointment today. We will look at your specific relationship dynamics, determine if this approach is the right fit, and help you take the first step toward lasting change.