In every relationship, navigating the journey of togetherness involves understanding and managing various emotional and practical aspects that contribute to what we call relationship health. As a Certified Gottman Therapist, I’ve witnessed first-hand how identifying and addressing specific areas within a relationship can lead to profound improvements in how couples connect, communicate, and commit to each other. Let’s delve into some key areas that are vital to strengthening your bond.
[Read more…] about Understanding Relationship Health: A Guide to Strengthening Your BondTherapist Resources for Your Journey
Understanding Your Partner: Unveiling the Mystery of Unshared Emotions
Why doesn’t my husband share his emotions? This question, often whispered in the quiet corners of our minds or during heartfelt conversations, reflects a common yet deeply personal concern among many partners. The silence that greets us when we seek to connect on an emotional level can feel both puzzling and isolating. But beneath this silence lies a complex world of feelings, beliefs, and, most intriguingly, meta-emotions.
[Read more…] about Understanding Your Partner: Unveiling the Mystery of Unshared EmotionsThe No-Nonsense Guide to Improving Your Relationship: The 5:1 Ratio Unpacked
The secret to a long-lasting relationship is not just luck or chemistry. Research from Dr. John Gottman has identified a simple but powerful formula, grounded in rigorous scientific study. The essence is straightforward: for every negative interaction you have, aim for at least five positive ones. When you get this balance right, your relationship can thrive.
[Read more…] about The No-Nonsense Guide to Improving Your Relationship: The 5:1 Ratio UnpackedUnderstanding Emotional and Verbal Abuse: How Therapy Can Help You Heal
Emotional and verbal abuse is a topic that doesn’t get nearly the attention it deserves. Unlike physical abuse, the scars aren’t easily seen, but they cut deep. Many people don’t even realize they’re caught in an abusive cycle until it’s caused significant emotional damage. This form of abuse thrives in secrecy and ambiguity, making it difficult to understand and confront. But don’t worry, we’re going to demystify it for you, explain why it’s so problematic, and, most importantly, show you the role therapy can play in healing.
[Read more…] about Understanding Emotional and Verbal Abuse: How Therapy Can Help You HealThe 3 Essential Steps for Transforming Your Relationship Today
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen couples stroll into my office, thinking a few tips and tricks are going to fix years of relationship decay. It’s like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound and expecting to walk it off. Spoiler alert: you can’t. That’s because genuine transformation is way different from merely having information. I’ve seen people miss this crucial point over and over, often when it’s far too late to reverse course.
So, if you’re really invested in turning your relationship around, here’s what you need to be doing:
[Read more…] about The 3 Essential Steps for Transforming Your Relationship TodayUnderstanding the Conflicted Parts of Ourselves (with IFS)
The primary tool I use to help people who struggle with internal conflict is known as Internal Family Systems (IFS). It has nothing to do with family therapy. More accurately, it’s not unlike being a wildlife observer. A really good one. Who has also read Clan of the Cave Bear. You’ll understand it all in a moment.
[Read more…] about Understanding the Conflicted Parts of Ourselves (with IFS)Therapy Handouts
These are my most frequently requested mental health handouts, resources and tools. They include essential concepts for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Discernment Counseling, Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).
[Read more…] about Therapy HandoutsHow to Effectively Sabotage Your Relationship
In 1944, the ClA wrote a handbook on how to sabotage an company’s productivity. This secret (now declassified) pamphlet was called “The Simple Sabotage Field Manual” and has several surprising similarities to how couples unsuccessfully communicate.
[Read more…] about How to Effectively Sabotage Your RelationshipEnhancing Closeness thru Vulnerability
Research has revealed that a very powerful predictor of relationship stability is whether couples spend time getting to know each other or not. One way to do this is to ask open-ended questions. An open-ended question is a question that can’t be answered by a simple “yes” or “no.” It is a question such as, “How would you like our life to change in the next five years?”
The ultimate goal is to change the way the two of you “move through time” together.
[Read more…] about Enhancing Closeness thru VulnerabilityGeneralized Anxiety Disorder
The key element behind this type of anxiety and worry is an intolerance of uncertainty. Over time, our excessive worry becomes persistent, repetitive and uncontrollable. We rush around trying to find solutions, yet we never end up finding any sort of relief.
[Read more…] about Generalized Anxiety DisorderThe Benefits of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the major tools used in psychotherapy. CBT assumes that the way that people perceive situations is more closely connected to their reaction than the situation itself.
Simply put, a therapist’s job when using CBT is to help clients identify the thoughts that pop up into their minds, evaluate, and respond to them. The assumption is that when clients are able to do this, they feel better and can act in accordance with their values and goals. One critical concept underlying all aspects of CBT is that just because you think something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true.
[Read more…] about The Benefits of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)The Four Horsemen: How to Get Divorced in 4 Easy Missteps
Learn how to recognize and counteract the harmful communication patterns that are common in failed relationships.
[Read more…] about The Four Horsemen: How to Get Divorced in 4 Easy MisstepsHow to Remove Conflict From Your Relationship
Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.
The truth is that conflict happens in every relationship. It’s a myth that in a happy relationship you’ll get along all the time. What matters is how you talk about issues more than what you fight about.
[Read more…] about How to Remove Conflict From Your RelationshipMistakes When Rebuilding Trust
We all want to regain our trust in others. Sometimes, in our urgency to get rid of our uncomfortable feelings, we fall into a few mistakes that actually make things worse. Knowing about the key mistakes that are made when we work on rebuilding trust will save us unnecessary time and further disappointment.
[Read more…] about Mistakes When Rebuilding TrustMeasure Your Baseline Happiness
If your goal is to be happy, it’s useful to know how far you’ve come.
As the old saying goes, if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else. With happiness, it’s important to know what your current level of happiness is so that you can measure how effective therapy is over time.
[Read more…] about Measure Your Baseline Happiness