The question isn’t whether your relationship can be saved. The real question is: Are you both willing to do the work necessary to save it?
Relationships aren’t always easy. They take work, commitment, and sometimes a hard look in the mirror. If you’re here, chances are you’re facing some challenges in your relationship – and that’s okay. The important thing is that you’re looking for solutions. But let me be clear: The first step to fixing your relationship is to stop pointing fingers and start taking responsibility. The two of you didn’t get here on your own, so you’ve got to own your part in this. And I’m here to help.
As a Certified Gottman Therapist with over 20 years of clinical experience, I’m here to help you build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Your First Steps to Real Change
Let’s be clear about what happens when you make the decision to transform your relationship. This isn’t just another therapy session – this is a comprehensive assessment that gets to the real truth of what’s happening between you.
- In your first session, you’ll both sit down with me for a straightforward conversation about your relationship. We’ll uncover your full story – from the spark that brought you together to the challenges you’re facing now. This isn’t about blame; it’s about understanding what’s really going on beneath the surface.
- Then comes a crucial phase for some – your individual sessions. Each of you can meet with me one time separately, giving you the space to share those thoughts and feelings you might have been hesitant to express. This helps, as we can’t create real change if we’re not completely honest about what we’re dealing with. While these individual sessions are optional, they can help to get a more accurate picture of your relationship.
- Finally, we’ll come back together for your game plan. I’ll lay out exactly what I’ve discovered – your relationship’s strengths, the patterns that are holding you back, and most importantly, a clear, specific roadmap for moving forward. You’ll leave knowing exactly what needs to change and how we’re going to make it happen.
Here’s the bottom line: This process isn’t just about collecting information – it’s your first step toward real transformation. If you’re serious about creating lasting change in your relationship, this is where it starts.
Common Relationship Issues
“We can’t communicate!”
Let’s get one thing straight: If you can’t communicate, you can’t fix anything. Most couples don’t really talk – they just argue, blame, and try to win. But communication isn’t about scoring points. It’s about understanding and being understood. If you’re tired of feeling like you’re talking to a brick wall, it’s time to learn how to communicate effectively. I’m talking about listening to understand, not just reloading your next argument. Start here, and everything else will follow.
“We can’t stop fighting!”
Let’s face it – every couple argues. But when those arguments spiral out of control, they do more harm than good. The problem isn’t that you’re fighting – it’s how you’re fighting. If your arguments turn into shouting matches with nothing getting resolved, you’re doing more damage than you realize. Arguments should be about solving problems, not creating new ones. The key is to manage conflict in a way that brings you closer, not drives you apart. It’s not about winning the argument – it’s about stopping the cycle that’s driving you both crazy.
“We’re not intimate anymore.”
When couples say they’re not intimate anymore, it’s usually a symptom of a bigger problem. Intimacy isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom—it’s about emotional connection. If you’re feeling distant, it’s probably because unresolved conflict, resentment, or emotional walls are in the way. To reignite that spark, you’ve got to clear out the baggage and rebuild your connection. Trust me, intimacy starts long before you get to the bedroom.
“One of us wants out.”
If one of you is thinking about leaving, it’s time for a serious conversation. You need to ask yourselves if you’re dealing with a temporary rough patch or if there’s something fundamentally wrong. But before you throw in the towel, make sure you’ve done everything you can to fix the relationship. Divorce or ending the relationship should be the last resort, not the first option. Are you really ready to walk away, or is there something left to fight for?
It’s Time to Do the Work
Here’s the bottom line: No relationship is perfect, but that doesn’t mean it’s beyond repair. The most important thing is that you’re willing to do the work. Stop waiting for your partner to change and start focusing on what you can do differently. Remember, you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. So take action today – your relationship depends on it.
Dave Lechnyr is a very compassionate and empathetic therapist who has been able to work with me and my husband in very constructive and practical ways.
– Client review
Taking the Next Step: Commit to Real Change
I’ve spent my career helping couples face the tough stuff and come out stronger. If you’re serious about making lasting changes, it’s time to take action. The key to transforming your relationship lies in your commitment to growth and understanding. It’s not just about talking things through – it’s about doing the work, day in and day out, to build a better connection with your partner.
Change doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen by accident. It requires effort, patience, and the right tools to navigate the ups and downs. If you’re ready to stop going in circles and start moving forward, now’s the time to commit. Don’t wait for things to get better on their own – take control and make the changes you need for a stronger, healthier relationship.
How to Prepare for Couples Therapy
If you’re serious about fixing your relationship, you’ve got to come prepared. That means understanding what’s really going on in your relationship—both the good and the bad. These three short videos will give you the tools to better describe what’s working and what’s not. This can make a world of difference when you start working with a Gottman Therapist.
- Part 1: The Research Behind Successful Relationships: Get the facts straight – this is the foundation of what makes relationships thrive.
- Part 2: Unhealthy Conflict: Let’s cut to the chase – learn to recognize the toxic patterns that are doing more harm than good.
- Part 3: The Sound Relationship House: Here’s the blueprint – discover the key elements that keep a relationship strong and healthy.
And before you dive in, make sure to check out what I consider to be be one of the best articles about the Gottman Method that I’ve ever seen. It breaks down why Gottman Method Couples Therapy works and why it’s essential for repairing relationships.
My Take on the Gottman Method
“We’ve done research on the Gottman Method and find it intriguing and liked what you wrote on your website about your approach.”
– Client feedback
The Gottman Method is a trusted and effective approach to improving relationships. I wouldn’t use it if I didn’t believe in its power. But here’s the deal – you should always ask questions and think critically about any method, no matter how well-known it is.
First off, remember that the Gottman Method is also a brand. It’s widely respected, and for good reason. But what happens if new research comes along and shifts the narrative? Do we just slap a “Gottman 2.0” label on it? It’s not about doubting the method – it’s about staying sharp and always learning.
Secondly, a lot of the Gottman Method is based on correlational research, not cause-and-effect. This means that while certain behaviors are common in happy couples, it doesn’t necessarily mean doing those things will automatically make you happy. Correlation doesn’t equal causation. This isn’t a knock against the Gottman Method – it’s just something to keep in mind with any approach you use.
The bottom line? These points don’t take away from how valuable the Gottman Method can be. But it’s crucial to use it thoughtfully, recognizing that every couple is unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to relationships.