We all have that voice inside our head that can be critical or negative. Here’s a simple four-step approach to interpret and respond to your inner critic as if it were another person.
Quick Summary
1. Call It Out
When you notice your inner critic speaking, call it out using “words of intent.” This helps you recognize what’s happening and creates a bit of distance.
- “I notice you’re trying to be helpful, but that came across as harsh.”
- “Was that meant to be motivating? Because it feels discouraging.”
For example, if your inner voice says, “You’ll never succeed at this,” you might respond with, “I know you’re trying to protect me, but that sounds really discouraging.”
2. Set a Boundary
Just as you would with an external critic, set clear boundaries with your inner critic. Let it know that its current approach isn’t helpful.
- “I’m not going to engage with that kind of self-talk.”
- “If you want to help, you’ll need to find a more supportive way to do it.”
For instance, if your inner critic says, “You always mess things up,” you can respond with, “I’m not going to accept that kind of blanket statement about myself. If you have a specific concern, express it constructively.”
3. Identify the Feeling Behind the Words
Take a moment to recognize and acknowledge the emotions behind your inner critic’s thoughts. Respond with support and empathy to address the underlying feelings.
- “It sounds like you’re feeling anxious. That’s understandable, and it’s okay to feel that way.”
- “I can sense there’s fear behind that thought. Let’s explore what’s worrying you.”
For instance, if your inner critic says, “Nobody likes you,” you might respond, “I hear that you’re feeling lonely and insecure. Those are difficult feelings, and it’s natural to have them sometimes. Let’s think about the connections we do have and how we can nurture them.”
4. Offer a Different Perspective
Challenge your inner critic by offering a different way of seeing the situation. This can help shift your thinking to a more balanced or compassionate view.
- “I see this differently. Here’s another way to look at it…”
- “Let’s consider the evidence for and against that thought.”
For example, if your inner critic says, “You’re not prepared for this presentation,” you might respond, “Actually, I’ve done a lot of preparation. Let’s focus on what I’m ready for rather than what-ifs.”
Remember, changing how you interact with your inner critic takes practice. Be patient with yourself as you learn these new skills. With time, you can develop a more constructive relationship with your inner voice.
