Adult Children struggle with navigating normal; they never feel they know what normal is. They think they know; in fact, they believe they know it better than anyone else, but they are never really sure. Such individuals are actually very practical people who have learned to survive in life on instinct. However, this leaves them feeling insecure about what is really the right way of doing things.
They simply have no experience with what is normal. Growing up, they never had the freedom to ask, so they never knew for sure. Their goal in life is to keep others from finding out that they don’t know. Instead, they have to guess all the time, which ends up being hard, lonely work. They missed out on the discussions with their parents about how to handle things. They have no frame of reference for what is ok to say and to feel.
Quick Summary
The Art of Survival: Relying on Instinct
In the absence of a clear understanding of social norms and expectations, adult children have learned to rely heavily on their instincts to navigate the complexities of life. This survival mechanism has served them well in many respects, enabling them to adapt to challenging circumstances and overcome obstacles. However, this reliance on instinct also comes at a cost, leaving them with a nagging feeling that they are merely guessing their way through life, never quite sure if they are doing things the “right” way.
The Burden of Secrecy: Hiding the Lack of Knowledge
For adult children, the fear of being exposed as not knowing what is normal can be overwhelming. They often go to great lengths to conceal their perceived inadequacies, believing that if others were to discover their lack of understanding, they would be judged harshly or rejected outright. This constant need to maintain a facade of normalcy can be exhausting, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Adult children may find themselves avoiding social situations or relationships altogether rather than risk being “found out.”
The Missing Pieces: Absence of Parental Guidance
At the root of adult children’s struggles with navigating normal is often a profound sense of loss stemming from the absence of meaningful guidance and support from their parents. Growing up, they were denied the opportunity to engage in open, honest conversations about life’s challenges and how to handle them. They missed out on the invaluable lessons and insights that come from having a trusted adult to turn to for advice and reassurance. As a result, they find themselves lacking a clear frame of reference for what is acceptable or appropriate in various situations.
The Uncharted Territory of Emotions: Navigating Normal Feelings
For adult children, the realm of navigating normal emotions can be particularly treacherous terrain. Having grown up in environments where their feelings were often invalidated or ignored, they may struggle to identify and express their emotions in healthy ways. They may feel that certain emotions are “wrong” or “bad,” leading them to suppress or deny their true feelings. This emotional disconnection can make it difficult for adult children to form deep, authentic connections with others and can contribute to a pervasive sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction.
The Path to Healing: Navigating Normalcy for Oneself
While the journey towards understanding and embracing normalcy can be challenging for adult children, it is not an impossible one. With the help of supportive friends, family members, and mental health professionals, adult children can begin to unpack their past experiences and develop a clearer sense of who they are and what they need to feel fulfilled and content. This process may involve learning new communication skills, setting healthy boundaries, and challenging long-held beliefs about themselves and the world around them.
Ultimately, the key to navigating normalcy for adult children lies in recognizing that there is no one-size-fits-all definition of what is “normal.” What matters most is developing a strong sense of self and learning to trust one’s own instincts and judgment. By embracing their unique perspectives and experiences, adult children can begin to create their own vision of normalcy – one that is authentic, empowering, and truly their own.
