Gottman Couples Therapist

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen couples stroll into my office, thinking a few tips and tricks are going to fix years of relationship decay. It’s like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound and expecting to walk it off. Spoiler alert: you can’t. That’s because genuine transformation is way different from merely having information. I’ve seen people miss this crucial point over and over, often when it’s far too late to reverse course.

So, if you’re really invested in turning your relationship around, here’s what you need to be doing:

[Read more…] about The 3 Essential Steps for Transforming Your Relationship Today

In 1944, the ClA wrote a handbook on how to sabotage an company’s productivity. This secret (now declassified) pamphlet was called “The Simple Sabotage Field Manual” and has several surprising similarities to how couples unsuccessfully communicate.

[Read more…] about How to Effectively Sabotage Your Relationship

Research has revealed that a very powerful predictor of relationship stability is whether couples spend time getting to know each other or not. One way to do this is to ask open-ended questions. An open-ended question is a question that can’t be answered by a simple “yes” or “no.” It is a question such as, “How would you like our life to change in the next five years?”

The ultimate goal is to change the way the two of you “move through time” together.

[Read more…] about Enhancing Closeness thru Vulnerability

Conflict is inevitable, combat is optional.

The truth is that conflict happens in every relationship. It’s a myth that in a happy relationship you’ll get along all the time. What matters is how you talk about issues more than what you fight about.

[Read more…] about How to Remove Conflict From Your Relationship

We all want to regain our trust in others. Sometimes, in our urgency to get rid of our uncomfortable feelings, we fall into a few mistakes that actually make things worse.  Knowing about the key mistakes that are made when we work on rebuilding trust will save us unnecessary time and further disappointment.

[Read more…] about Mistakes When Rebuilding Trust

In many relationships, a recurring concern is the lack of trust, leading to the common question, “Why don’t you trust me?” This reflects a fundamental problem in a relationship without trust, where cycles of doubt and misunderstanding erode the bond between partners. Addressing this lack of trust is essential for a secure and healthy connection.

[Read more…] about Without Trust, Your Relationship Will Not Survive the Year

Relationships are important to our lives and health. However, some relationships present hazards to our sanity and health in ways that are rarely talked about. In fact, it is hard to believe that the way we relate to each other in a relationship can “induce” rage, anger and reactions in the spouse to the point that it destroys the relationship. Changing these patterns requires understanding some important factors.

[Read more…] about The Marital Partner that Everybody Likes but Drives You Nuts