How Childhood Wounds Affect Our Relationship with Our Partner

Childhood wounds affect your relationship in this way:

Imagine you grew up being uber controlled.

Your parents had a say in everything. You weren’t even allowed to have friends, so much so that your best friend was an AM radio. You were a latchkey kid, and you were essentially controlled in every aspect of your life, and you were livid.

And as soon as you got old enough, you got the hell out of dodge because you were p****d.

Now, somewhere along the way, you made a decision as an adult on an unconscious level, and that is, “I’m damned if I’m ever going to be controlled again. And to fix this, I will control everyone and everything around me.” Yeah, it seems simple.

And the problem is you get into a relationship with someone, and that’s going to blow up in your face. So it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to be aware of your patterns and how they play up in your relationship and your life.

Otherwise, your relationships will not survive them.

David Lechnyr, LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Gottman Therapist (#436), one of 14 in Oregon and 12 in Arizona, and in the process to become a Gottman Level 1 Trainer authorized to train other clinicians in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. In practice since 2007, he provides structured, skills-based couples therapy via telehealth in Oregon and Arizona and relationship coaching worldwide, integrating the Gottman Method, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Internal Family Systems. He works with couples navigating recurring conflict, emotional disconnection, communication breakdown, and relationship ambivalence. He is the author of Personality Patterns in Couples Therapy, a clinician-audience framework for recognizing relational patterns in couples work, and How to Screw Up Your Relationship in Ten Easy Steps, a field guide for couples on the patterns that quietly erode connection. Learn more at therapydave.com.