Couples many times ask why they are having problems in relating to each other. Psychologists know that the real problem are many time more complex than just one issue. However, the issue of trust is central to any relationship. Understanding a couple of issues can be of help.
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The Consequences of Not Having Any Boundaries
We all want to be fair, kind and loving to the people that we care about. Sometimes that means going out of our way for them. At other times, it means putting up with a certain amount of crap. In the long run, we hope and bet on the odds that it’s worth it for our relationship to have a little give-and-take. However, giving out love without any boundaries can be extremely dangerous and carries extreme risk to our own sense of self and others.
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Wait, I’m not Crazy?! Adults Who Grew Up in Dysfunctional Families
If you grew up in an unhealthy or dysfunctional family, it has drastically and permanently altered the course of your life. It is absolutely vital to understand how, specifically, this affects you so that you can stand a chance to change patterns of unhealthy choices and behaviors that plague you and your adult life.
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Why Do People Who Come From Dysfunctional Families Have More Interpersonal Problems?
Dysfunctional families never admit their problems. The rules are simple: Don’t talk, think or feel. As a result, we feels insecure and can only depend on ourselves. In order to survive this lack of trust, we end up creating a rigid way of dealing with life. Yet when we go out into the real world, these dysfunctional rules for living end up blowing up in our face.
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Boundaries, Happiness and Living in the Now
The concepts of boundaries and happiness are closely related even though they are not well understood by most of us. Boundaries are the limits, values, morals and decisions of our lives. They include how we relate to others along with how we remain emotionally and physically healthy.
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To Take Control of your Life, Start by Being Brutally Honest with Yourself
If you’re feeling like your life is spinning out of control, it’s time to take charge. But not in the way you think. In fact, before you actually make any changes, you need to begin with being brutally honest with yourself. I don’t mean paying attention to all of the lies you tell yourself about your self-worth or your limitations. Instead, you have to know what you’re feeling, without spinning out of control in a panic. Trust me – this will feel worse before it gets better. But in the end, you’ll gain the critical skill of self-awareness that will ultimately change everything in your entire approach to life.
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I Don’t Want to Be Here: Talking Only Makes it Worse!
Everyone always hears that advice that talking about problems can help. However, most people really believe that it might be best to say as little as possible about most things. As a result, coming to see a psychologist to “talk about issues” is something that many people resist doing until they absolutely have to. Understanding a few issues can help with this important task.
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Fantasy Affairs of the Mind
Relationships are difficult to manage for many reasons. So it is not unusual that people want to run away from life through “Fantasy Games.” At times, relationships can be threatened by how we relate to each other, other people, the fantasies of our minds, and our actions. When one person in the relationship is concerned about the “interpersonal relating aspects” of the marriage, and the other is not as focused on it, then a number of issues have to be considered.
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It’s important to feel that our partner notices or responds to our needs. This is referred to as “Turning Towards” ones’ “Bids for Connection” in the Gottman literature. Bids for connection include attempts to get our partner’s attention, interest, or support.
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