Assertiveness and boundaries are two of the most recommended concepts in self-help culture and two of the least clearly defined. The result is that people are told to ‘set boundaries’ without a clear explanation of what a boundary actually is, or told to ‘be more assertive’ without understanding the difference between assertiveness and aggression. This article provides a clinically grounded explanation of what both concepts mean, why they are so difficult for people raised in certain family environments, and what developing them in adult relationships actually requires.
“Dry Drunk” Behaviors
Addiction of any type is a serious problem. However, effective treatment requires more than “just stopping” the use of drugs or alcohol. The reality is that when someone “just stops” their addiction, many of the behaviors that “got them into trouble” are “still active.” This “dry drunk” lifestyle is still addictive, even though they may have stopped drinking or using drugs. They are addicted to activities and avoiding real intimacy in their relationships by being unavailable to their partner and the family.
The Danger of Enmeshed Families
Therapists have long been concerned with helping families develop healthy ways of caring and relating to one another. After all, it’s important that we care for others and are connected to them for healthy growth. However, there are certain types of “caring” that can interfere with healthy growth patterns for all members of the family.
Toxic Relationship Recovery: Fear, Obligation, Guilt and Gaslighting
Toxic relationships maintain themselves through a predictable set of psychological mechanisms that are often invisible to the person inside them. Fear of consequences, obligation that feels like love, guilt that has been deliberately cultivated, and gaslighting that makes a person doubt their own perception. These are not character weaknesses. They are the tools of a system designed to keep someone in place. This article explains how each mechanism works and what genuine recovery requires.
To Take Control of your Life, Start by Being Brutally Honest with Yourself
If you’re feeling like your life is spinning out of control, it’s time to take charge. But not in the way you think. In fact, before you actually make any changes, you need to begin with being brutally honest with yourself. I don’t mean paying attention to all of the lies you tell yourself about your self-worth or your limitations. Instead, you have to know what you’re feeling, without spinning out of control in a panic. Trust me – this will feel worse before it gets better. But in the end, you’ll gain the critical skill of self-awareness that will ultimately change everything in your entire approach to life.