We have a tendency to believe that our marriage will “always be there” and never be in crisis. We also realize that all relationships have their ups and downs, and this helps prepare us for difficulties down the road. However, when a significant crisis or traumatic event happens, the stability of any relationship can be put in jeopardy.
Why Does it Hurt So Much When We Fight?
The process of “becoming a couple” is filled with many emotions, feelings, attitudes, risking and identification with another person. Relationship problems happen when these same emotions are injured in any way. When one “sees and hears” much blaming and emotions between a couple, it is clear that there has been an “attachment bond injury” that has to be healed before the relationship can continue and be healed.
Why Do I Keep Choosing the Wrong Person?
We often ponder why we find ourselves in challenging relationships that “go sour” despite their initially “promising” nature. Frequently, we find ourselves choosing the wrong person repeatedly, puzzled by this pattern. Often, we blame the other individual, believing the world is filled with “wrong people,” leading us to think we should either “avoid relationships altogether” or just “tolerate the situation.”
It’s Easier to Stay Married than to Get Married Again
All marriages have difficult times that at times can seem overwhelming and confusing. We all ask the question about whether or not it is worth the efforts to stay married. The question of, “Should I stay or should I go” weighs heavily on us. Sometimes, we end up stuck with the conflicting thought that our partner is too good to leave, but too bad to stay.
How to Swim with the “Difficult Sharks” in our Lives
No one wants to swim with sharks. Yet difficult people are, by their very nature, sharks: Aggressive, territorial, and tribal. When we unexpectedly find ourselves dealing with a difficult person, we often give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they will “play fair”. In our desire to “get along with others”, we often just make the situation worse. The hard truth is that we must learn how to identify and respond assertively to difficult people without being “eaten alive”.