If you’re feeling like your life is spinning out of control, it’s time to take charge. But not in the way you think. In fact, before you actually make any changes, you need to begin with being brutally honest with yourself. I don’t mean paying attention to all of the lies you tell yourself about your self-worth or your limitations. Instead, you have to know what you’re feeling, without spinning out of control in a panic. Trust me – this will feel worse before it gets better. But in the end, you’ll gain the critical skill of self-awareness that will ultimately change everything in your entire approach to life.
[Read more…] about To Take Control of your Life, Start by Being Brutally Honest with YourselfTherapist Resources for Your Journey
I Don’t Want to Be Here: Talking Only Makes it Worse!
Everyone always hears that advice that talking about problems can help. However, most people really believe that it might be best to say as little as possible about most things. As a result, coming to see a psychologist to “talk about issues” is something that many people resist doing until they absolutely have to. Understanding a few issues can help with this important task.
[Read more…] about I Don’t Want to Be Here: Talking Only Makes it Worse!Without Trust, Your Relationship Will Not Survive the Year
In many relationships, a recurring concern is the lack of trust, leading to the common question, “Why don’t you trust me?” This reflects a fundamental problem in a relationship without trust, where cycles of doubt and misunderstanding erode the bond between partners. Addressing this lack of trust is essential for a secure and healthy connection.
[Read more…] about Without Trust, Your Relationship Will Not Survive the YearFantasy Affairs of the Mind
Relationships are difficult to manage for many reasons. So it is not unusual that people want to run away from life through “Fantasy Games.” At times, relationships can be threatened by how we relate to each other, other people, the fantasies of our minds, and our actions. When one person in the relationship is concerned about the “interpersonal relating aspects” of the marriage, and the other is not as focused on it, then a number of issues have to be considered.
[Read more…] about Fantasy Affairs of the MindStruggling with Depression
When you’re feeling sad, nothing else seems to be able to pull you out. You’re consumed within your own inner world. You have thoughts in your head and they demand your attention. You end up going down that rabbit hole and your thoughts become all-consuming. You get caught up in your own world and it’s hard to see beyond that. It robs you of a fulfilling life.
[Read more…] about Struggling with DepressionHow to Turn Towards a Partner’s Bids for Emotional Connection
It’s important to feel that our partner notices or responds to our needs. This is referred to as “Turning Towards” ones’ “Bids for Connection” in the Gottman literature. Bids for connection include attempts to get our partner’s attention, interest, or support.
[Read more…] about How to Turn Towards a Partner’s Bids for Emotional ConnectionThe Secret Bullying Behaviors of Others
I’ve been reading about the Verge’s exposé on American luggage-maker Away’s toxic work environment back in 2019, and even now it’s unnerving. It shows how aggressively we can react with denial when faced with overwhelming evidence about our own dysfunctional behavior. And it’s characteristic of a common human phenomenon: Aggressive bullying and “poorly veiled” hostility.
[Read more…] about The Secret Bullying Behaviors of OthersMeasuring Depression with PHQ-9
The Patient Health Questionniare (PHQ-9) is a brief test/assessment which consists of nine items. Each item is scored 0 to 3, providing a 0 to 27 severity score. The PHQ-9 can be used as both a diagnostic module as well as a depression severity score.
[Read more…] about Measuring Depression with PHQ-9Important Books for Private Practice Therapists
Starting up a private practice as a counselor or therapist can be overwhelming, intimidating, and often a huge financial risk. Taking steps to mitigate the dangers involved demands approaching things from a business perspective; the dilemma is that this is the anthesis of what we consider a genuine therapist should be. Finding a way to blend the two – business skills with the therapist mindset and ethics – is the key.
[Read more…] about Important Books for Private Practice TherapistsThe Connection Between Trauma and COVID
My grandparents grew up during the Great Depression. It changed the way many people coped with life. Which reminds me of this current pandemic, how it’s affecting us, and my grandparent’s vacuum cleaner.
[Read more…] about The Connection Between Trauma and COVIDTaking Control During a Crisis
Our priorities tend to shift during an unexpected crisis, whether we want to our not. And yet the problems of our life can’t remain on hold forever. How do we handle this added anxiety and navigate the issues we continue to face?
[Read more…] about Taking Control During a CrisisHow Do I Know What I’m Feeling?
Feelings and emotions are central to being human. Sometimes we enjoy them and at other times we are afraid of them in ourselves and others. Understanding emotions allows us to succeed in the areas that matter most to us: Home life, career, and friendships. Yet this doesn’t work the same for those of us that are smarter or more intelligent. Oddly enough, this has nothing to do with luck or the right “connections”.
[Read more…] about How Do I Know What I’m Feeling?Why Don’t I Feel Normal Unless I am Crying or Upset?
What is a normal way to respond to problems? While this varies from person to person, sometimes our response itself creates and contributes to more of the chaos in our lives. Identifying a few key points may help smooth things along.
[Read more…] about Why Don’t I Feel Normal Unless I am Crying or Upset?Why Are Other People So Incompetent?!
Have you ever noticed how other people seem to get in your way, cause more problems, or just seem to be so stupid and incompetent that it “makes your blood boil?” Having to deal with such people, and situations, is very upsetting. It seems like “there are so many of those incompetent people” out there. Understanding how to deal with these situations is critical to your own health.
[Read more…] about Why Are Other People So Incompetent?!How Shame Can Warp Our Lives
The dynamics of shame and embarrassment are central issues in the development of the self in those individuals who have come from dysfunctional families. Understanding a few issues can be helpful in making changes so that these fears will lose their great power in your life.
[Read more…] about How Shame Can Warp Our Lives