Why do some people verbally “attack” others in a relationship? When someone’s behavior changes like this to the irrational and bizarre, it is often not due to some unexplained physical or emotional cause. In fact, the real reason is more surprising than you’d think.
People resort to using verbal and emotional abuse out of a fear losing power and control. The truth is they simply fear being dependent on others. As a result, they start to act strange, attack others or do something bizarre to “regain their power”.
This becomes their “private logic” which only makes sense to them. Their private logic is tied up in their fears, which they will strongly deny if others point it out. Their fear and denial is so high, they rarely see their part in the problem and never give in to reason.
So they continue to be unreasonable. Verbally and emotionally abusing others thru attacking and controlling behaviors. And as a result, blowing up their relationships.
To keep this from being noticed, they “change history” to fit how they are interpreting their reality. The paradox is that this is often a fear from childhood that is now being acted out in adulthood.
The reality is that when we find out what we’ve been missing in ourselves, this fear goes away. To admit this would be too painful for most. Instead, they remain stuck in fear, denial and oftentimes anger.
The result is one of distance: From family, friends and those that would have preferred to remain close.